I was a wilting sunflower. I was working
three hours for one sentence, chasing commas like
they mean something important. Something important slipped
through an outstretched beer mug and evaporated
as it met the concrete. The bottom was cut out.
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bleh.
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September 23, 2008
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Comments
The rest of the poem seems to lose focus and rhythm, though. I do think your poem would do just fine without them.
<3
--
"Hold me, my love
Telling me you won't be afraid.
Wouldn't you want me to swim,
Wouldn't you want me to stay?"
- Richard Walters, 'All At Sea'
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